I am just becoming familiar with this Blog, and since I always have things on my mind, blog writing feels like the right thing to concentrate on for the time being. I have started writing other content, but I feel it is necessary to start from the very beginning. As I said in my last post, my life is good and I am happy for the most part, but I still struggle with the negative aspects of my life. I tend to lose sleep, I get angry when others don’t see things the same way as I do, and I just want everything to be “right”. As I continue to introduce my life there, we can have a start and understand of why I think and deal with things the way I do.
Memorial Weekend in 2002 I made the decision to go serve in the United States Army. I was 19 years old not doing much with my life and had absolutely no idea what I was trying to accomplish in my life. Prior, I was living at home, could not focus on continuing my education, and had a girlfriend I would spend a lot of time with when I was not working. I was comfortable in my routine as there was nothing serious that I had to focus on. It was a neutral life and was really leading to nothing. I worked and hung out with my girlfriend and friends for the most part. Eventually I started to get in trouble, got a DUI, lost my job, and thought I would be happy living on unemployment for the time being. Eventually my father let me know I had to do something and could not just stay at home doing nothing. Deep down I knew I had to do more.
I was working at the Post Office, with mostly military veterans, who kept telling me I need to join the military since I was still young and that there were a lot of benefits involved with serving your country. The military was the last thing I ever thought I would do, but I went to go see the recruiters anyway just to say, “I looked into it, but it wasn’t for me.” Well, the exact opposite happened. I was attracted to it and seemed like it could be a good option. I was denied from every branch of service because of my court situations but the Army was ready to help. I aced my ASVAB which was surprising because I was never good in school, but I always knew I was smart, but I could not find how to concentrate on things I was not interested in. Well, the rest in history and I ended up leaving everything I knew to go serve in the United States Army.
I remember arriving to basic training, not even knowing what my job was. I had no idea what to expect and was extremely nervous and constantly thinking about quitting before I even started. I rolled with the punches and fell into the routine. It was tough and sucked at times, but it was easy. Everything was clearly explained to you, you were tested, had a place to sleep and ate three times a day. After a couple of weeks, I developed a sense of pride in what I was doing and focused on the relationships I had created with all these new people that were going through the same thing I was. Everyone talks and makes up a lot of nonsense, but we were all starting to think about what this journey in the military is going to be like.
I was always focused on making money, so to me it was about doing the right thing so I could get promoted and make more money. I arrived at Fort Bragg and was on a mission to get promoted. The Army was transition since 9/11 had just happened and everyone was going to “war.” Being at Fort Bragg, you knew you were going to deploy, it was just a matter of time. Soon enough I got the call that I was going to go to Afghanistan. I was excited as I knew there was a good chance I would get promoted there and we also made more money for just being there. Then I heard a little secret. I could get married and make extra money while I am deployed. The Army would pay my rent money and I would be able to get out of the barracks. I would also be deployed, and my girlfriend could continue to live with her parents, and I could just pocket all of the money. I was young and thought I knew what I was doing so we ran off to Vegas and I got married.
Now I am in Afghanistan, married, and believing I am going to make a lot of money. I gave my new wife access to my bank account and set up a plan for her to buy me stuff and mail it to me. After a couple of months packages and everything stopped coming. I called my bank, which was hard to at the time because we had one satellite phone for the whole FOB that was always a horrible experience to use. When I finally connected with the bank, I realized I didn’t have any money because my new wife was spending it all. So, I called her upset and thought I worked a plan to get everything back on track to where I would leave with a good amount of money. I eventually tuned off her card and came back with maybe $2,000.00 in my bank.
I never had plans on living the married life, as I did it to make money, even though it didn’t work out as I expected. My new wife was adamant about moving to North Carolina and playing the married game. So, I agreed, and we came to terms with how things were going to be. Now I am living the married life and have a dependent I am going to be claiming on my taxes. It wasn’t hard to live this life as we were young and things were just about having fun. Some tell tell signs were emerging though and I wasn’t paying attention. The plan was for her to work, but was like pulling teeth, the plan was to keep the house clean if you were home, but the house was a disaster, and then she demanded the car, we only had one at the time, and she wanted it all of the time. Outside of all the fun, daily life was filled with arguing and trying to figure out who was going to get the car. Then the call came again to deploy.
This time I was headed to Iraq. I took the time to send my wife back home. We stored our stuff and agreed to how we were going to play the money game. My wife had met many other military wives and had a good network of friends by this time. Event though she was living in California she stayed in contact with her friends. The military wife community can be a dangerous situation to be involved with. Most don’t work, have kids early in life, and or solely focused on the lasted gossip within the unit. After a month of being deployed my money was gone, and now she is defending her actions with the advice from all her new friends. I let things go another month and eventually canceled her access to the bank. I had plans for our future and need this money to get things going. I wanted to begin “growing up” and make real decisions, but she was fighting me on everything. It was a horrible deployment and when I returned my wife was right there waiting on me. I was able to save some money by another car and move in a little bigger apartment.
My wife wanted to be like her army friends who did not work and was getting more and more into the gossip and negative aspect of being a military wife. This frustrated me but we were growing up some and things still appeared feasible. I kept pushing on with my military obligation and was flying through the promotion system with ease. It was easy and I truly loved being so close with all those I worked with. The comradery in the military is incredible and why I chose to stick things out and make a career in the military. As I am gaining more experience and responsibilities it is time to deploy again.
This time I am 26 years old, and my wife is pregnant. We are excited, but I know I am going to have to plan things out well so that I come back with money to support my new baby. My wife is California, but this time she says she wants to be moved back into North Carolina by the time I return. The only thing I wanted was a new truck. This deployment my wife was restricted to an allotment each moth just to ensure she didn’t waste the money. Money wise things worked out much better, but time for her to get us a new apartment was here. She was doing this all on her own with a new child, but we came to terms on what we were looking for and how much we were going to spend each month. She ignored everything I got the fanciest place she could find without considering the decision we had agreed on. The place was nice. Way nicer then where we had been living before, but I knew was way out of our means. She tried to justify it, but after I received the first rent bill and seen what was due I was so frustrated, because we were not going to be able to afford this for much longer.
I left the house and started calling all the for-sale signs I seen from the side of the road. I stumbled onto one house and seen that the realtor was there. I sparked a conversation as I had no idea what I was doing. After a deployment it seemed that buying a house could be a good investment, but I had no idea where to start. The realtors broke everything down and told me how everything would work. I toured this house as they were literally remodeling everything. I left the realtors that day making an offer and leaving earnest money. I went back home and told my wife, we are moving soon that I had just signed paperwork to buy a house.
It was a spontaneous move buying the house but it what I always had to do if I wanted things to work out. If my wife was involved it probably would not work out well and would have a lot more arguments. When I just did things there was one argument and it was over. The things I was doing were beneficial to us though so she could never complain too much. The house was probably the best decision I have ever made towards an investment. Doing things this way was something I had become accustomed to and was my normal way of handling business.
The house was great. We had three bedrooms, and my son had his own room. It was cheap to buy, and we were not spending as much as we were with the luxury apartment. I had a garage and spent a lot of time working on the house and keeping things in order. My wife would destroy the house and I would clean it up and make safe for my son. I was used to the routine. I was not satisfied with the relationship but felt it was the best thing for me and my son. Soon I found out I was not going to deploy, and was going to be moving to Oklahoma, and we had our second child on the way.
As my daughter arrived, we were living in Oklahoma, it seemed like I was really doing something with my life. I was a grown up. I had a house I was renting out, and I was beginning to fill more senior positions. I was managing a good amount of people and was constantly sought out by others. I had Two kids I loved to hang out with but was always starting to fight with my wife. She was always yelling at me and the kids, The house was a complete mess, and she would spend all day sleeping on the couch and going to doctor appointments for meds. I was frustrated beyond belief with how my wife was turning out. I could not ever invite someone over my house because or the conditions they would see. It was just too much for me to stay on top of as I worked for so many hours. Everything was a battle, but I knew I had to keep things going for the kids.
My son had to be about three or four years old at the time and he would like to imitate everyone. It was funny to watch, and he would start laughing so hard when you understood who he was acting like. One day he starts yelling, not really saying any words but yelling to get my attention and then he goes and lays on the couch and turns on the tv. He was laughing but I had no idea what he was doing. He does it again and again and I really had no idea what he was doing, but he was having fun. The next thing you hear is his mom coming down the hallway yelling something, and my sons falls on the floor laughing so hard. It was at that moment I knew something had to change. He is learning and doesn’t realize he is imitating unhealthy behaviors. I engaged my wife on the situation and she failed to see it. He continued to do it from time to time and thought it was so funny. His mother eventually realized what he was doing so I tried to use this as a reason to change and to show her son some better behaviors. But it didn’t work.
Eventually after nine years of marriage I had to send her and the kids to live with my family in California. I knew I was moving soon, and I would give her the opportunity to figure things out but when I move my plan was to go get the kids and go to my next duty station. She failed to change, and I submitted out divorce to the court. I wanted the kids and felt I could offer more to them. So, as we engaged in the court system, I lost everything. Honestly speaking I was just there. Everything was automated and the courts already knew how things were going to go. They did not care to hear from me and even mentioned putting me in contempt as I tried to speak one time. I was crushed. I didn’t know how to move on without my kids. We were so close, and the only reason why I sent them to California was because they would be living with my mother temporarily, and I knew that I was too busy to take care of them at that moment. I needed some time to set the conditions for my kids. I wasn’t prepared, and in the meantime, I lost everything. Not only did I lose my kids I was hit with a crazy amount of child support. I always prepared like I had the kids even though they were living in California. Every chance I had I went to visit and every summer I set up my house to where the kids had a comfortable environment. This was the start where everything stems from and why I had to create this page.
Experience Life 